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Hitler has only got one ball. / The other is in the Albert Hall.” Not true, I’m afraid. It’s on the kitchen wall? And Göring’s are very small? No, the first line, re: Adolf’s monorchism – a lie, according to a 1945 dossier compiled by the US military based on Hitler’s medical files. “Sexual organs showed no indication of abnormality,” it reads.
Don’t worry, though. Because there’s plenty of other stuff about the Führer’s health and medical characteristics in this dossier and in the journals of his personal physician’s journals, on which this Secret History documentary Hitler’s Hidden Drug Habit (Channel 4, Sunday) is based, that shows tons of abnormality.
He had constant stomach cramps due to a vegetarian diet mainly consisting of beans, which had to be mashed up because of his rotting teeth. The beanz did their traditional thing (meanz flatulenz) too, of course; he may not have had any children (officially), or grandchildren, but he was a farter, and a gross farter, certainly not someone you’d want to be bunked up in a bunker with. Especially with the chronic halitosis as well. Mustard Gas Breath they (possibly) called him behind his back, because that was the only safe place to be. Poor Eva Braun, anyway.