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Screeching into theaters towards the end of an unusually strong summer movie season, “Kidnap” is here to remind a nation of spoiled filmgoers that yes, movies really can be this bad. “The Emoji Movie” might have been a boring and brazenly cynical piece of corporate propaganda, but at least it had the courtesy to be offensive. “Kidnap,” on the other hand, doesn’t have the the courtesy to be much of anything.
A Halle Berry vehicle with four flat tires, this oppressively half-assed thriller is fueled by a premise it never bothers to develop into an actual plot. Berry, slumming it as hard as any Oscar winner has ever slummed it before, plays Karla Dyson, a divorced diner waitress who’s struggling to maintain custody over her six-year-old son, Frankie (Sage Correa).
Unfortunately for Karla, that struggle is about to get very real. Her husband, it turns out, isn’t the only one who’s interested in taking her kid — some hillbilly swamp people straight out of central casting also have their eye on the boy, and they snatch him away from a public park as soon as Karla looks away to take a phone call. It’s a parent’s worst nightmare, losing a child to such Z-grade villains. So Karla hops in her red minivan and gives chase, following her son’s captors from one end of the Louisiana freeway system to the other while talking to herself (and occasionally God) the entire time.